Profile

My name is Duncan. I live in Singapore.
I am 20 years old and studying in SP(clean energy).
Remember to give my present on every 8.o3!

Music

PLs bear with me for awhile i'm still editing this blog... thanks for ur understanding...

Wishes

1. TO find that smile once again.
2. A Car(Since i passed my driving license already)
3. THe best is : to be able to enjoy time with my friends!!!

Tagboard


Gentleman & Ladies

  • Lukas
  • Ken Ho
  • CJ{Dceg classmate}
  • JieYing[Mommy from SPSU]
  • MeiYin{Godma from SPSU}
  • Jill{dancesport friend}
  • Kristy
  • Amiel
  • JAN[DaJie from SPSU]
  • SHONA{DCEG classmate}
  • JunHAo {classmate/SPSUmate}
  • Sarah(SPSU/SPDS)
  • timothy(SPSU)
  • SHUNLI {DCEG CLASSMATE}
  • Skye [Dancesport Senior (SPDS)]
  • MEI [Dancesport Senior(SPDS)]
  • Sylvia [chris tan's classmate!!]
  • Han JinGRu
  • Adin
  • Eugene Har
  • Gerald
  • Matthew Ong
  • ZUL(SPSU)
  • Matthew Lim Zi Teng
  • Donavan
  • Ryan
  • Ivan Cheng
  • My Dad's blog
  • Shannon (My younger Sis)
  • Edwin
  • Gavin
  • Elisa
  • EVE
  • KIM

    • Previous

    1. March 2006
    1. April 2006
    1. July 2006
    1. August 2006
    1. September 2006
    1. January 2007
    1. February 2007
    1. July 2008
    1. August 2008
    1. September 2008
    1. October 2008
    1. November 2008
    1. December 2008
    1. January 2009
    1. February 2009
    1. April 2009
    1. July 2009
    1. November 2010
    1. January 2011
    1. February 2011
    1. March 2011
    1. September 2011

    Credits

    Designer: xiiaOmiie
    Image: Here
    Image Host: Photobucket
    Image Edit: GIMP 2.6
    A dream..

    It has been 3months since I last saw Su jean in person ...
    And I really thought that I'm movin on and that possibly ...
    I would forget about her ...
    I was mistaken ...
    I had a dream ...
    In this dream was so clear ...
    I finally met her again ...
    I tried to play it cool but I failed ...
    I was able to get some alone time with her..
    Talkin and askin ...
    She didn't run..
    Instead she explained and if she couldn't answer...
    She would tell me to give her time to think..
    But she would wonder around ...
    And I would panic and search for her...
    But time and time again I see her face...
    A troubled face.. A puzzled face...
    I felt so bad ... To force her for an answer...
    So I went up and I just hugged her ...
    While doing that I told her ...
    "it's okay forget it. I'm sorry." ...
    Then it was a blank ...
    Awoke at 7am sharp ...
    Puzzled and troubled once again...


    Duncan
    I wished that u would talk to me ....




    A new chapter...

    okay i woke up today...
    and this hit me ...

    as much as i'll miss su jean as part of my life i got to move on...
    not that i'ven't been but ...

    i'm already moving on ...
    i'm hurt by her actions...
    but life goes on...

    I finally found my answer to a question my friend posted to me...

    "what would u do if u saw her?"

    here is the big answer!!
    firstly i would thank her for those happy moments :D
    second i would thank her for not going ahead with the rls... :S
    cos i got all my priories wrong... i shldn't have placed her so impt in my life i guess..
    thirdly i would ask with a handshake "Friends ?" (of cos with a smilely face !!)


    so there is it!
    but i would welcome her as a close friend more then just a friend...
    i hope to hear from her soon ...
    i miss all the nonsense we talked abt haha ...


    Duncan
    its all abt growing up :D




    Shocked ..

    okay so here is the problem ...
    i'm in shocked...
    this would be the first time where a person knows me ...
    is friendly ...
    and doesn't want to be friends...

    i just think seriously why is this happening ??
    i've decided to sent hui ying (aloy's gf) off to Aus to study ...
    And if i accidentally bump into su jean then so be it...
    if i can talk to her in person would be great...

    i just want to clear the air !
    is a closure so hard to ask ?
    but seriously this is really a torture for me ...
    i don't know about her ...
    how does she feel ?
    how is she ?
    the very funny thing is that i'm in pain but i'm so worried abt her...

    like today i was so free ...
    i'm bored and so alone...
    i got off at tiong i walked alone arnd...
    so emo haha ...
    argh !!! i hate my life for caring for ppl so much...
    for giving it all only too gain hurt in return...
    i seriously thought that su jean would be different...
    we actually clicked on such a level which i had never experienced b4...
    that is partially why i won't wan to give up ....

    Duncan
    gtg now ...
    i can only think of her still ...




    People change ...

    well then so i guess people change that fast huh ?
    one min strangers...
    the next work friends...
    friends ...
    partner...
    friends...
    strangers...

    brilliant...
    a life cycle of ppl u know ?
    to me friends will always be friends ...
    even if they are an arse which i have a few ...
    at least i say hi to them ...
    at least i talk to them ...

    if she ever feels that she isn't good enough for me ...
    then i guess she is wrong...
    cos i feel that even when i started to feel for u ...
    i though i wasn't good enough for her...
    a JC girl who is possibily great at loads of things...
    i'm only good at enjoying myself...
    i suck at academically wise ...
    but then when u "loved" me i was over the moon !
    i got a great sense of confidence which i know i had lost since kindergartens...
    since i grew up...
    since i need to have responsiablilies..
    but i managed ....
    i'm glad that that i still have friends who stand by me...
    i will tell you, Su jean for the most my life u were different...
    i didn't need to be a different person in front of you like i was with other girls i dated ...

    when i act nice ...
    it wasn't an act...
    i'm like that cos i feel that girls should nv be 2-timed and mistreated ...
    especially their feelings...
    i grew up mostly with sisters ...
    so yea i know things ...
    i need to be able to process what they think if i wanted to survive haha...

    i have those girls tell me that when try to guess what they are thinking....
    that i'm right most of the time... and it usually freaked them...

    that's when i learnt that girls don't know what they want...
    but they surely don't wan you to tell them what they want...
    so i guess i made a mistake saying that i know u like me, i also know that part of u wans to be with me ... but since u distanced urself u are just cutting that part off...

    i wonder at times what u do to the Xmas gift i got u ?
    do you throw it away? give it away ?...
    put it in a box and give it away to some kid?
    or do u just keep it on a shelf?
    on the bed ?
    with just the other stuff toys?

    i'm just so tired ...
    i don't wan to give up...
    but really i don't know if we can even go back ...
    it just seems so far...
    but i remember it so clearly...
    ur smile , ur laugh...
    ur cries, ur tears...

    i only told u that i know what u feel for me was cos i wanted to reassure u that i'm there. i'm ready ...
    if you only tried...
    i thought about celebrating ur bday...
    u said u can't ...
    ur friends and all ...
    okay i was alright with that ...
    my birthday all i wanted was to spend time with u ...
    that was my only birthday wish ...
    but looks like all the other wishes i had won't come true ...
    it was a fun run !
    but too bad i can do long distance...
    you could only run short distances...

    ur like a scenery along the run and once i past it, its gone...
    i may run by the same area just to see you but thats it...
    you ain't gona be running next to me...

    i hope you keep that promise of yours...
    that when ur ready to be in a rls ..
    you would look me up ...
    and if i'm still single yea i would really like to continue where u left me...


    i'm gona be moving on ... but that doesn't mean i give up or i'll forget...
    you have hurt me more than you could ever know ...
    at times i really feel so depressed that i can't be bothered with anything ...
    u know i wanted to take a picture with u ?
    on that 27 dec 2010 ...
    but just then a bus just had to come ...
    i should never had let you go then ...
    you hugged me and left without an hint...
    YES I GOT DUMPED by you i guess...
    i just guess you got ur fun...

    you keep telling me that its settled ...
    but ur actions shows otherwise...
    refused to meet me ...
    won't even sms me ...
    say we are friends...
    but there isn't any difference...

    i'm guessing your bbf of yours is the one that would delete me off ur fb ...
    cos i ur too lazy to even do that ...
    u see how brilliant you are ... you do all sorts of things that ppl tell you!!!!!!!!!
    can you think for yourself....
    what do you really want !

    if 1 day u said sorry and u wanted to start over ...
    i would really hope that i won't be with another girl...
    cos i want to give us a shot ...
    i mean okay even thou joanne and i didn't work out it was just great we were still friends...
    i hope you mature up soon then ...
    when u read this blog that at least u should know all my pains u caused...
    so many ppl tell me that i'm a great catch ...
    u caught me but tossed me back ? like what la!


    others said that why her ?
    she isn't that pretty !!
    my reply: looks arent everything but at least she is pretty to me ...

    they even say she isn't really the kind of girl u like rite?
    my reply: does that really matters? i feel good arnd her and i am myself .

    when u did what u did,
    they say is she really worth it ?
    my reply: at least i'm not gona regret it ..


    Duncan
    thats all




    Dismayed

    Haha I don't whether to be happy sad or what !
    So Su jean decided to even remove me as friends on fb...
    Slowly she still pushes me away ?
    I really don't get her...
    I gave her space I didn't talk to her ...
    I do miss her ...
    But I'm staying away ...
    What she has gotten herself a new guy ?
    Then fine by me as long as she is happy ..
    Some ppl say that she would owe me an explanation ...
    I say no cos I rather she don't ...
    Bcos no reason she can give would be good enough for what she has done..
    The only way is she at least be a friend and show some effort...
    She has said many things and promised many things ...
    I kept my side I've been trying to move on...
    But I made a promised to wait for her ..
    So that's the one thing that keeps me moving on ..
    I can't break that easily if only u knew ...
    But I guess it matters not ..
    U don't regard me as a friend any longer...
    I'll remember the fun times we had ...
    I'll keep on holding on to what we had ..
    I'll try to keep it alive...
    But all I can say that my heart is getting weary..
    Tried from all the blows dealt one after another...
    If these are ur moves to help ur friend then..
    Bye I guess I really can't take anymore of this ...
    Thanks for all the fun times n memories...
    Thanks for such an early birthday gift ...
    I wish u luck in all that u do ...

    ... There's nth else to say ...
    It's over ...
    If we shall ever meet ...
    I hope that u will still see me as a friend ...
    Cos I would ...

    Take care till we meet ...
    This does not mean I give up on u rather I'm trying that hard anymore ...




    Back to ACS barker

    So day I was back to ACS barker road..
    It made me think shld I have gone to acjc?
    Bcos of my cca I could ...
    I could have been in army alrdy ...
    How much diff will I be ?
    Would Su jean still like me ?
    The alternate Duncan ...
    Skin test came negative for grass allergy ..
    Doc said that I could have out grown it and basically ..
    It's just an Irritant now ...
    Haha ...
    I wonder what's Su jean doing ?
    How has work been for her ?
    Does she even miss me ?

    Duncan




    Exercise ?

    Currently finishing FYP !!
    But I think I'm losin my mind..
    I still keep thinking of Su jean...
    Really I cant help it...
    When I run ... I see her face ?!
    Everytime ...
    People say love and obsession there's a fine line to it..
    I hope I haven't cross it ...
    I just can't help it...
    How can u pretend nth ever happened between us?
    How can I pretend that you just aren't there anymore..
    How can u keep running from me ?
    How is it that I can still feel for u...
    How is it that u keep running but I always know where to find u ?
    Ur home is the place I sure can find u...
    But I don't ...
    U feel bad makin me wait so u push me away ...
    U can feel less bad by not !! Has it ever occured to u?
    Just be like how we were talking any anything under the sun..
    Oh how fun were those days...
    I don't know what else to do..
    I keep thinking if on my birthday would u greet me ?
    If I asked u out to accompany me would u ?
    Ur birthday I won't forget it ...
    I guess I will just have to leave a gift at ur door ...
    If I have to ask ur parents to place it in it room I don't care ...
    I have nth to fear cos what else can I lose ?
    U ? Haha no joke... I think I alrdy lost u...
    But I'm not giving up...
    It just isn't me to give up...
    I only decided to let u avoid me and stop msging u ..
    Is so that I won't irriate u ..
    This birthday my wish would be that u stop running away ..
    But rather run together with me...

    Duncan
    As the days goes by I could only miss u more..




    Nostalgic ...

    By Tmr 14 feb it would be valentine ...
    10 days since I last smsed you ...
    18 days since you last replied me...
    49 days since I last held u in my arms..

    CNY hasn't been great for me ...
    Cos relatives ask abt have u got a gf or not and all...
    Cousins bringing their gf/bf to family gatherings...
    N really I ask myself what would it had been like?

    Today was the cremation of Mrs Chi...
    She was as I remembered a funny and ever cheerful..
    Although I didn't know her on the personal note ..
    I'll always remember that she smiled everytime I meet her during church..
    To the Chi family I'm sorry for your loss...
    But take joy that she has gone up to God's side..
    She has ran a great race and now is her time...
    Therefor yes morn for her but don't be sad...
    For she is always smiling from heaven down to you all...

    With this passing ...
    Sister Juan shared on her pó pó's life ..
    How she and her gong gong met...
    N this really hit me at my heart...
    A nostaglic Feelin...
    It kept me wondering how short life is and what am I doing...
    As the body was cremated ..
    The Chi family n friends hearts were sadden..
    A pain which I had not felt since my ah gong(mother's side) and ah ma(father's side) had passed..
    As I watch painfully my dad tearing quietly at a corner..
    All I could do was to stand by him ...

    Therefor I need to live my life to the fullest ..
    With no regrets... ( which can't be accomplished)
    As mistakes are many...
    But to correct them are few...

    With this event...
    I'm fueled more to want Su jean back by my side ...
    I don't know if we will be a couple...
    But at least as friends is smth I know for sure ..
    Well as the poly year comes to an end ..
    A new beginning is starting for me ...
    N really I don't want to start it without getting back Su jean...
    Soon I'll turn 20 .. And I hope by then she will be back by my side..

    This is Duncan Ng
    13 feb 2011
    I'll be counting to my birthday ...
    Slightly less then 1 month now ...




    why are things like this ?

    currently ... BORED!!
    wana play games...
    got 2 Problem based learning report to finish..
    Have to Submit my Final year report as well ...
    have an Interview coming up ...
    still thinking about su jean ...
    super lethargic ...

    OH NAPFA...
    NAPFA test sure have problem with Pull ups ... :(
    making me fail NAPFA cause of this component...
    everything else for NAPFA is either an 'A' to 'C' range mostly 'A' lol so yupps...
    Super sad about it ...

    Exams are coming up...
    22 FEB to like 4th march ...

    Once Final exams are over ... what can i do ?
    Aloy is in army ...
    Ying Qiang is sailing(attachment in the sense) ..
    lukas is in army still ...
    Roy is still fooling arnd ...
    poly friends would contact less....
    su jean might not even borther abt me...
    i hope not...

    Parents are asking what i'll be doing too ...
    I really don't know...
    I want to finish Uni but in what ?
    what interest me ?

    What i really want is to be able to enjoy my work ...
    N If i have a family, that will be to also be able to enjoy time with them..
    to have friends that are for keeps...

    when i'm done with poly i would be back to work at ben n jerry ice-cream i guess...
    ususally on sats and mon-fri at another work place if possible. ( a larger company which i intend to work for ) ...
    i would also like to have Su jean back in my life ...
    it wont be the same as the first but if we both work at it then its possible...

    i intend to do a mini-project that if done properly will 'WOW' the world ...
    it will also enable me to have my future quite set..
    i can't share details on this just yet...
    but it is related to Generators ... :D

    Duncan
    feeling lethargic ...
    Would u run with me ?




    Empty feeling ...

    Yup the title says it all..
    I'm just missing the little chit-chat we have and all..
    Currently I usually end sch early but not for most of my poly friends ..
    So I'll be bored and loney..
    Some friends keep me company for about a few hrs better then none ..
    But ultimately I miss your company Su jean ...
    And really with valentine's day drawing to a close..
    It will be a test for me to not even send any well wishes to you..

    What I could have planned we would meet for breakfast at botanic gardens ...
    Lunch we could have it at vivo? Spend the afternoon at sentosa beach ...
    Dinner arnd vivo or this really good prata place I know at bugis...
    Send u home safely ...
    Hug u before u go ... (a long hug) haha...
    Then I would head home ..
    Knowing that I have 1 more purpose in life ...
    To love you ...

    Duncan's plan for V day with Su jean ... ;)




    What's left ?

    So as I've been trying to move on in life ..
    This question still bugs me ...
    "what's left of this ?" or " look at how it turn out ?!"
    Ultimately ...
    Guys won't understand girls so don't try ...
    But I'm super sure u regarded me as ur bf ...
    I'm super sure that I like you ...
    I'll move on in life with those 3 things I mentioned ...
    For what ever reason/feeling u had to do what u had...
    But really u ain't alone and if anytime u would like to find me I'm waiting...
    As a friend ..
    And if u wan to continue where u left me...
    Yes I would very much like that ...
    But u can't blame me for being more careful ...
    More cautious ...
    For it's my heart ... N I dont wan it to be hurt again...
    To ur best of su jean's best friend...
    I pray that ur actions won't hurt Su jean or hold her back from her happiness ..
    N if I ever see/ bump into u ...
    I hope that u will realised that this is the guy who was hurt cause of ur actions..
    Su jean u have no idea how I had plan to spend my time with you...
    I didn't really meet up with Joanne(unigirl) when she was back ...
    I just didn't have the mood at all...
    No mood to celebrate CNY even ...
    I had to pretend to have fun..
    I hate to be pretentious ...
    That's why I don't say I'm over you cos I won't ...
    Duncan




    Flaws in my stories ...

    Flaws i made when i was close to Chuan Su Jean:


    1.to allow u to think that Joanne was UNigirl..
    Truth: she isn't really, Abigail is...
    When i liked Joanne she didn't/couldn't like me back But we still were close friends even like Bro & Sis !! awesome relationship turn out ...
    That was why i mentioned her to u. that if we didnt work out i hope that we could be like that as well.

    2.To allow to think that you distancing urself is okay...
    Truth: I wish u didnt feel that it was okay... Cos first of all we were close then u started avoiding, avoidin solves nth. If ur best friends are even good at all they will know it isn't the answer. Cos ur just runnin away...And for me to even go after you is makin myself pathetic. But to turn away and carry on with life is like a jerk, in the sense i can just get over u that quickly.. therefor LOST!

    3.To have held your hand....
    Truth: i don't regret this at all...
    Honestly i followed my heart and if u didn't like it u could have pulled away but no u didn't... in fact i saw u smiling with silliness...(so was i) I felt this was the part which started it all!! u distance and refused to meet me to talk...
    talking over a phone was even out of the question!! What can i do ? nth....

    4.Our mentality...
    Truth: I guess we both started off with the mentality that we found each other attractive ?
    i'm not too sure abt this (spectulating) nonetheless i thought u were cute... sweet... and we clicked really well ... i started pickin up hints that u were interested.... so i went for it...
    But i'm not a jerk cos i will ensure i'm there whole-heartedly...
    And i was ... but u backed off...

    5.Talking Face to Face ...
    Truth: if i were to talk to u(Chuan Su Jean) now. (i would want to hug you.. but i won't) it will be awkward but i'll try to break the ice... i would wan to know was it all ever true, what we had... I'll ask is this the end? If it was i would ask for 1 last hug as a "bf" and a handshake as a friend... But b4 all this the POiNT is that i am only a guy who was so close to you... cause you let me in... now that u threw me out what was i supposed to do ? i was a friend.. a companion... I guess this was the closest u got to a guy ... u are afraid yes i know... i was too, but i over came it... Cos i want to be true to you. i would give us a shot again in a split of a second... i would wait till we are sure that we want it together... if not friends close friends/ best guy friend then ! i'm okay cos at least i knew that i didn't skip on a chance to love...


    Duncan to SU JEAN....




    Strenghts/ Weakness

    as the 2nd day of CNY comes to a close...
    the Dawn of the 3rd day draws closer...

    my heart missing you isn't any closer...
    Nor further...

    to keep it pure for you...
    to keep it constant...

    I forced it into a box...
    And threw away the Key...

    But the key came back...
    like a boomerang...
    it hit hard...

    SO i threw the key away again...
    i sank the box with my only heart...
    So cold do i feel...
    So unloved...

    LOve is pure...
    Love is to never betray...
    Love is to never hurt...

    I found my weakness ....
    i found my strenghts....

    my weakness is to Love and believe in Love like an idiot...
    My strenght is to Love with all my heart...
    the irony ....

    Flaws are only natural...
    As i'm only human ....
    I can't Love like God does...
    so pure and great...




    A must read b4 reading..

    As the time passes I have thought abt alot of things ...
    Things that have passed..
    Things that have yet to come...

    I am so bent on getting u back that hhose days ..
    Now I wished I didn't force my way ...
    Cause even friendship is gone ...
    Thus I wished that we can be friends again...

    I'm hoping that the older post are just my way of expression..
    If u ever read all this yea ...
    There are so many things which I wish to share with you..


    Duncan




    Give me 1 more chance ...

    There isn't anything that I can say to convince u that I'm ready for us to be friends.
    All I can do is hope that u would give me the benefit of the doubt with a pinch of salt.
    To allow myself to prove to u that what I say is true.
    An opportunity which I am askin for.

    Will you ?

    Duncan for Su jean ...




    A mistake...

    Arh I would hate myself for this ..

    What is it that I want?
    That question kept haunting me...
    And when I finally got the answer...
    I feaked !!

    I wanted sj ans I to be friends even if things didn't work out ...
    But as emotions clouded my judgement ...
    I only harp on the fact that she was pushing me away...
    What a selfish and childish thing to do...
    I was upset that she did not wan to be with me ?
    I tried to force her to meet me...
    I tried to be a man but I failed ...

    No more trying..
    Instead just be a man...
    If she ain't gona be with me now ...
    Then that's fine by me...
    Now it's not the reason why she won't that bugs me..
    But rather that I could have possibly lost such a friend!!
    @_@" >
    She gave me a chance to be a friend but I guess I blew it..
    So I can understand if she won't wana talk to me..
    To have gave her such a shity time ...
    I hate myself for the lack of control over my emotions..
    But on the other hand it's good ?
    At least I know that my feelings were true ..
    But my actions were silly and a 'tat' inmatured...

    Well then If she see this I hope that she will dorgive me and let's really start as friends..
    I hope that I'll be able to charm her back again ...

    I just feel awkward that she has withdrawn herself so quickly from my life...
    I feel That it won't be the same if I were to court her..
    I just hope that if I were to ever have the guts n courage to court her ...
    That she will see me for who I am...
    A guy who would love her...


    Duncan's applogy to Chuan Su Jean